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The Super Simple Neuroscience of Success.
Do you ever feel like you are a hamster on a wheel? Busting your A$$ but getting nowhere. Does it ever feel like you are working twice as hard as everyone else but only getting half as far?! No matter how badly you want it, it feels like your goals are just out of reach?
Well you’re not alone- It’s March 1st and I know that the collective supply of will-power has flickered and burned out, and millions of New Year's resolutions have long been forgotten by now.
We all set big goals for ourselves with the best of intentions and a well laid 37 point strategic plan, yet somehow we end up right back where we started, broke and broken. Until an inspirational quote scrolls by on instagram, or another new year, or new moon rolls around and we get a spark of motivation so we hop back on the hamster wheel, chasing success, only to fail again.
But why do we fail so hard at success?
Let’s take a look at the Three Stages of Growth- because Success is our ability to grow beyond our current circumstances to attain a new level of being, having or doing. And according to our brains, if you aren’t growing you are dying.
Ok so the first stage of growth is:
Knowing what you want.
Honestly, most people fail at Stage 1. Because they don’t actually know what they want. In fact, most often they know what pain they are in, and are either dwelling on that pain, or think that “getting out of pain” is their goal. But without a clear idea of what you want your outcome to be, your brain remains fixated on the pain.
Our brains are actually amplifiers - so what you focus on, your brain amplifies. Your brain will literally make your pain bigger, just because your mind focuses on it. Seems like a weird evolutionary phenomena, but it does have its advantages, like when you are trying to run from a saber toothed tiger, or track down some nuts and berries.
Your brian uses pain as a short term motivator to take action when the situation is life threatening, however this motivation strategy fails 100% of the time when we are striving for growth and success because it is not sustainable.
The types of goals you set will determine if you make it to stage 2. Thinking of your goals as the positive outcome you will gain, is the first step to shifting your brain from fear and pain based short-term motivation, to positive long term sustainable motivation.
Losing weight, getting out of debt, quitting my job, are all examples of pain-based goals. Outcome based goals look like: Fit into my favorite red dress, earn an extra 20k this year, start a business. Outcome based goals do not rely on short term pain motivation.
This brings me to Stage 2 on the road to growth:
Knowledge of the Solution.
Congratulations if you are part of the 5% of people who actually know what they want! You probably consider yourself a high achiever. Well I’ve got some bad news -High Achievers often get stuck at Stage 2.
Trust me I know how frustrating this is. We hold ourselves to high standards and are always looking for new things to learn and ways to grow and achieve bigger and better things, and yet we still feel like no matter how hard we work, we fall short of our goals and never achieve the level of success we are seeking.
Stage 2 is all about the knowledge we need in order to get to our goals, and high achievers (HA’s for short) love knowledge, but this is also their achilles heel.
Let me explain: When HA’s set out to achieve a goal, they dive right in and consume all the information, they learn as much as they can about the topic. They make 37 step strategic plans with contingencies built in, they learn about the people who have achieved this goal before them, they learn the lingo, they read the books, they buy all the tools, and have notebooks full of all the rules. All of this is to create a sense of security, to prepare their brains to step outside of their comfort zones.
The problem is that HA’s get HIGH on their own Supply. They (and by they I mean you) get a dopamine hit for learning, instead of doing.
Dopamine is the molecule of more, and therefore we think we are growing by learning more; when the real problem is that you are keeping yourself stuck by consuming information and your brain is rewarding you for learning, so you just keep doing more of that. And your brain LOVES this because it feels safe to learn more, especially when it doesn’t have to do anything different and scary.
We may take small actions towards our goals and we might even hit a few milestones but eventually we find ourselves stuck again - so we head back into learning mode, to get more information. When this doesn't work- we begin to fall down the shame spiral, thinking it’s us, that we’re the problem; that we need more resources, more time, more money, more support, more information and the cycle begins again.
This is why almost No One makes it to Stage 3:
Embodying the Change.
The final stage of growth is actually becoming the new person, the Grown- Uper version of yourself. Growth and Success isn’t about reaching a new milestone once and then falling back into old patterns or lifestyles, it’s about embracing the new identity of the person who has achieved the goal.
Now I know this sounds all woo-woo, but hey, I do call it Touchy-Feely Super-Science™ for a reason! Most coaches will tell you this is the mindset work that you need to do. It is widely believed that changing your thoughts will change your habits, and your habits will change your beliefs, and your beliefs will change your identity.
Now before you all think I’m gonna sing kumbaya, and whip out some crystals, I can assure you I’m more of a Namaste-away-from-me kind of person. I am all for yoga pants and smoothies, and some breathing exercises and maybe a little meditation (I mean, I am a hypnotherapist for CRISPR’s sake) But I definitely fall more on the side of brian sthciencthe. (Pronounced like a kid at space camp with braces!) than spirituality.
While I actually do believe there is truth to the thoughts- habits- beliefs- identity loop, I also believe that changing your thoughts and your feelings are not something you do in your mind, but rather it’s something that happens in the brain and the body.
A great example of this is, when you were a child you learned to walk, speak and read, now you can walk down the sidewalk while singing along to the music and reading captions on a TikTok video. You are the grown-uper version of yourself. Your brain and body know how to do all of those things without you having to think about it.
This embodiment change happens really fast and easily when we are kids, because our brains are still quite plastic, and we haven’t developed what is called the Cognitive Filter. In other words, when we are young, our brains are doing all the work because we haven’t developed a mind of our own yet.
The biggest hurdle we often face when trying to achieve success is thinking. Growth and Success happen by doing, not by thinking about it. This is because our brains, not our minds are actually driving the ship!
The Can’t Want To’s
Have you ever said to yourself,:
“I know what I need to do, but I just can’t seem to get it done!”
I call this The Can’t Want To’s! And it’s usually an indication that you are stuck in Stage 2, thinking about what you need to be doing, and learning more to fill in the gaps.
When this happens we often blame ourselves, thinking we are unmotivated, lazy, not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, or enough. (Fill that in with your own inner shame spiral.)
And you are not alone in this. Even the most successful people deal with this. In fact I just finished up a mastermind workshop called Focused AF with some high achieving people, including a Game Show Host, a Famous YouTuber, A TedX Speaker, 3 Authors, a Lawyer, a Therapist and a Magician and every single one of them struggle with the same problem, they all know what they need to do - but aren’t doing it!
Many people make the mistake of thinking Success is a full body contact sport; that you have to just grind it out, and learn more and do more to make it happen, when in reality the most successful people have learned to trust their brain, not their mind. We think of this as luck or instincts; but it's neuroscience.
Every single one of the people in my workshop thought the same thing. They are all high achievers and they all had the same problem, they had a case of the Can’t Want To’s. No matter how hard they tried, or how much they learned they couldn’t seem to get past the invisible berries to their next level of growth.
They were all stuck on Stage 2 Knowledge of the Solution. One of the things we covered in Focused AF was that this doesn’t mean that they need to learn more about the solution or the steps to getting there, it means use your knowledge (that you already have) to get there!
And this is where the brain comes in!
I want to share with you one of the simple tools I taught in the workshop, to help you hack the 3 Stages of Growth and learn to use your brain not your mind to achieve your goals.
It’s called the GPS model, and it’s actually really simple!
I want you to choose one of your goals- and Yes HA’s I know you have a long list, but I want you to imagine you only have a few months to live- what's the one thing you must accomplish before you die? That’s your priority goal. That's the one thing you are going to focus on.
The G = Goal: Write down your Goal: What do you want? And remember these are outcome based goals, not pain based goals.
The P = Plan: This is the 30k foot view of the plan- not a 37-step strategic outline with color coded sub parts (Look, I get you my color-coding queens, I too refuse to give up my rainbow colored sticky notes and highlighters, but there is a place for them- but I promise it’s not here!) This step is about just aiming your brain in the right direction, not giving turn by turn instructions.
To use the previous outcome based goal examples, Fit into my favorite red dress, earn an extra 20k this year, or start a business: Your 30k foot view plan might be to Exercise more or Start a side hustle. This is the general direction you want to head in. The entire point of this step is to simplify the plan, not complicate it. You almost can’t make this too simple.
And the last step:
The S = Small Step. What is the 1 small step I can take TODAY or RIGHT NOW towards that goal. Make this something you can do in an hour or less. Even better if it's something you can do in 5 mins or less. And then put your Nike's on and "Just Do It!"
Why does this work?
Well I hesitate to tell you why until you actually do the THING- because I don't want to give you the Dopamine spike for learning why- but since you probably won’t do the thing without feeling safe and comfy I’ll tell you!
Your brain (AKA your Subconscious mind) processes between 11,000,000 and 200,000,000 bits of information PER SECOND (yeah that's MILLION)- and your Conscious mind processes 40-50 bits. That's like comparing a rocket ship with warp speed to riding a bicycle. So when you use your conscious mind to write a 37 step color coded plan, it’s like riding a really pretty bicycle to the moon. However when you jot down the general direction you are heading, you allow your Brain to do the heavy lifting, it’s like putting on your space suit, hitting the launch button and going along for the ride.
Taking one small step creates momentum, because you get a hit of dopamine from taking action instead of from consuming information. And if you remember Dopamine is the molecule of more! Meaning your brain is going to crave more of that thing you did! That's like a rocket ship that refuels itself!
That's not the only reason why this works. I hinted at this a little bit, talking about comfort zones, and next week I will dive in deeper on this topic. But for now - all you need to know is that taking baby steps first makes your brain feel safe, so that you can take massive action later. If you don't want to wait until next week- you can check out the Replay of Day 1 of Focused AF where I go deep and explain how our brains are sabotaging our success.
Ok so now that I told you why this works will you go back and actually do the GPS thing?! Most of you won't- because this article falls into step 2 - learning about what to do…but to the 2% of you who actually make this simple change HIGH FIVE!!
If you wanna check out the full 7 day workshop and learn how to tap into the power of your brain to get more done- you can sign up here:
Dive deep into the brain to break old habits, build unstoppable focus and motivation, and get S#!T done in just 7 days!
The Course will be available March 13th, 2023!
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